Like the foundation of a house, trust is the bedrock for any high performing team. It's also a very finicky thing. Trust takes time to build, but can be lost in an instant.
Often, we don't realize ways that we are negatively impacting trust on our teams (both as team leaders and team members). I am currently building a course on how to build trust at work, and through researching the topic, and speaking with multiple leaders, friends and peers about the subject, I've identified 10 of the most common ways people kill trust.
1. Back Channeling- “The meeting after the meeting” Back channeling happens when two or more people out of a larger group or team have a meeting before, after (or sometimes during via text/chat, etc.) the larger meeting with the whole group. Back-channeling includes sharing our reactions, emotions, or opinions with people before or after a meeting, rather than sharing them in the meeting. It could look like sending a coworker a text that says “I think Bill’s idea for the new process is terrible. I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about. In the meeting this afternoon, I’m going to suggest that we keep the old process – will you back me?”
Other terms for back-channeling include the meeting after the meeting, gossip, and the "dirty yes" (where I say “yes” to your face and then “no” behind your back). Back channeling kills trust because instead of having direct honest conversation, it leaves people wondering where they stand. When back channeling is a part of your culture, and you know about it, when you aren’t involved in those conversations you start to wonder who is having them, and why you’re not involved. Backchanneling breeds rework, miscommunication and territorialism.
2. Multitasking during conversations- When someone multitasks during a discussion, it signals that they are not listening and what the person is saying is not important or—even worse—it is not worth listening to the person talking. Take the time to do one thing at a time. It shows the other person they matter to you. And please, put down your phone. Close your laptop in meetings. These are little signals that whatever else on your screens is going on is more important than whatever is going on in the meeting. If this is true and you have to be on your phone or laptop… explain to the group why. Communicate on the front end to avoid assumptions.
3. Being unreliable- Who would you call if you have a flat tire? That person is probably pretty reliable. Now think of the last person you would call when you had a flat tire.. They’re probably not very reliable. You can have the best intentions in the world, but if you don’t show up consistently for people, they may like you, but they won’t trust you.
4. Micromanaging- Micromanaging signals that you do not trust the other person to be able to perform their work. It shows that you do not have confidence in them. Often, we don’t realize we are micromanaging.
What does micromanaging look like?
Constantly asking for updates, status and progress while telling how to do the task.
Reacting strongly if there is any issue or problem.
Second-guessing any decisions or actions during the project.
Constantly asking if they remembered to do something or if they are working on something. If something needs to be corrected, saying, “I’ll take care of that” or having some else do it.
5. Criticizing publicly- General rule: celebrate publicly, criticize privately. When you criticize publicly, you’re not just embarrassing the person, you are teaching the rest of the group to fear failure. The other people watching will learn to avoid failure...usually by avoiding taking risks- aka playing it safe. Fear of failure and intolerance for making mistakes can significantly limit a team’s willingness to try new things.
6. Overreacting to mistakes- Similar to number 5. When you blow up or overreact to mistakes, you are reinforcing that failure or mistakes should be avoided at all costs. Or at least should be kept from you. People will either avoid making mistakes by limiting risk or hide mistakes from you. Both undermine trust.
7. Withholding information/not being transparent- Secrecy culture is toxic. There are some things you can’t share, but be mindful of where those boundaries really are. Be as transparent as you can be. Avoid telling half truths, or different stories to different people. The truth will always come out and it will always create a bigger problem than whatever you were avoiding by telling the truth in the first place.
8. Throwing people under the bus- When a leader does not back up the team in public, and places the blame on someone else to protect their own image/reputation, it shows the team that that leader is not interested in the team's collective success. When it is always someone else’s fault, a leader destroys trust. Strong leaders give credit to their teams for the wins, and take blame/own the losses. This leads to number 9.
9. Taking credit for ideas that aren’t yours- When you take credit for someone else’s idea or work, it will always get back to the person and will signal to them that they should not trust you with their new ideas. They will start keeping things from you. Do not do it. Research shows that supporting someone else’s idea publicly benefits both the person with the idea and the person advocating for it. Champion good ideas, whether they are yours or not.
10. Saying one thing and doing another- This gets into reliability and accountability. When people can't count on you to do what you say you're going to do, there is no way that they will be open and trust you. If you tell someone you are going to do it, do it. If you can't for some reason (resources, project change, unexpected roadblock, etc.) you have to circle back to that person and own it, communicate the why behind why you can't make it happen, or why it went another way.
Takeaway:
Most of us don't mean to undermine trust, we just move too quickly and don't pay attention. Remember that while it takes a thousand little moments to build trust, it only takes one to lose it.
By being aware of the impact our behavior has on trust, we can get ahead of unintentionally creating distrust. Practice self-awareness and see if you catch yourself in any of the trust killing behaviors above.
What else is a sure fire way to kill trust? Leave a comment below!
Comments